Baby toes are full of awesome and win.

It took me two weeks to do it, but I finally took some newborn pictures of my beautiful little minion. I thought it would be quite the adventure considering how much I had to move her around to get the pics I wanted, but she was a little trooper and just let me manipulate her all in the name of memories for mommy. Good girl. 

So, here they are. 

Last but not least... 

That's my girl!

Nikaia's Birth Story!

We arrived at the hospital at 6am on Tuesday (January 18th) and I checked into the L&D triage area where they started monitoring and getting my IV in. I was the only scheduled c-section that morning so things were pretty kick back. Nurses wandered in and out, we chit chatted with them (and discovered that one of them loved Doctor Who which was very amusing for Adam), I got a last minute ultrasound to check Kaia’s position (still very head up) and after a few hours of getting all connected to wires and tubes my doctor came in drinking a carton of chocolate milk. After 12 hours of fasting I was very jealous of that chocolate milk. lol. He went over the procedure and the risks again, and I was wheeled off to surgery. 

In the operating room they got me all ready for my spinal block. I told the anesthesiologist that I have mild scoliosis so he felt around my back for a good 5 minutes, figured out where everything was positioned, and informed the whole room that he was a rock star and would get my spinal in without a problem because he was that good. He was definitely that good! =D Once I was finally laid back on the table and my bottom half was properly exposed and saran wrapped and hoisted and whatever else they were doing to it, Adam was allowed in. He took a seat by my head, got the camera ready and the surgery started. 

There was a mirror above my head, and I could see what they were doing reflected on the glass from the lights, so I watched the whole thing. SO SURREAL to see them cutting into me and prying me open. Not only was Nikaia a breech baby in utero, she was delivered breech by c-section, too! I laid there and watched as they delivered one leg, then the other leg, then one arm… then they had to twist her around a little to get her other arm down and away from her face because it was wedged up near her head. Finally when they got her whole body except her head out they had to take a minute to unwrap her from the cord. It was around her neck twice, wrapped around her abdomen, and around one of her legs. She was really hanging on for dear life in there!   

Once they got her whole body out and unwrapped from the cord it was time to deliver her head. That presented a little bit of a problem since the poor girl inherited my huge noggin. They had to maneuver a little to finally get the head to come out (the way Adam tells it they pulled out a giant silver crow bar the size of his arm) and almost had to increase the size of my incision, but she was finally born at 8:32am! Random fact: The song Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars was playing on the radio when she was born. <3 I found that completely appropriate and it made me cry. =P

Since she is a c-section baby she still had some mucus and fluid in her lungs that normally gets squeezed out in the birth canal during vaginal birth, so she lost a few points on her APGAR for delayed cry, but when she did start crying woah… My FIL heard her from down the hall and around the corner (through a closed swinging door). She has a set of lungs on her that’s for sure! She weighed in at 8 lbs 0.9 oz, and was 19.7 in long. Her head circumference was 14.2!! Big head just like her mommy!  

She struggled a little the first day, and ended up spending the night in the nursery because of the mucus build-up, but coughed it all up like a champ and was back with me the next afternoon. She couldn’t be more perfect, or more beautiful. We are very, very blessed to have her! She has been such a dream, especially because she also inherited a love of sleep from me! I really hope that sticks around! 

I am recovering really well. My incision is freakin’ gorgeous and I think my doctor should have been a plastic surgeon (although I am glad he is an OB =P), most of the bleeding stopped within a few days and it is very light off and on now, my milk came in three days after she was born, and I was up walking as soon as they would let me and haven’t had to take anything other than motrin!  I never really knew I had a high pain tolerance since I haven’t ever been in any kind of serious pain, but apparently I do! My nurses in the hospital thought I was some kind of super woman. =D  

So that’s our story!! Thanks for reading!!

Not even born yet and already a drama queen...

I'm at the end of my pregnancy, and like any first time mother with no childbirth experience, I had it all planned out. I was going to have a vaginal delivery. I may go a week over due, but I'd go into labor on my own. I would try to labor at home for a while before I headed to the hospital. I would get there and it may take a while to finally give birth but eventually I would have a beautiful baby girl the old fashioned way. No extra drugs (except maybe some pain meds, I'm not anti-pain meds although I did want to avoid a full on epidural), no poking and prodding and rushing me along, just giving birth like my body knew how to do naturally.

And, like a lot of first time mothers, my plans were all thrown out as soon as something didn't go how I imagined it.

Today is three days from my scheduled c-section. The one thing I was the most scared of happening as far as preparing for my wonderful natural labor happened... My baby decided that head down was for suckers and planted her big old noggin right between my ribs. Not only did she decide that she wanted to watch my heart beat and my lungs operate, but she also decided that tickling them with her foot was a stellar idea. So, she's not only footling breech (feet down) but she also has one of those feet up above her head.

Imagine for a moment not only trying to push a baby out feet first, which although it is possible is still not ideal... Imagine trying to push that baby out FOOT first with the other one straight up next to the head. Suddenly the danger of her getting most of the way out and then getting her head and leg stuck up in the birth canal got very real and made my doctor (and myself) VERY nervous. Once the reality of the situation set in, my amazing husband had the forethought to ask the doctor if having a c-section would automatically pigeonhole me into subsequent c-sections should I ever get pregnant again. When my doctor assured me that it would be entirely up to me as long as I didn't end up with another breech baby or some other complication, I decided a c-section was our best option. So, we decided to give her a week to flip and scheduled a c-section in case she doesn't.

I am three days from that date now. I'm also no closer to a head down baby despite hours of trying a variety of methods to get her to to turn. As hard as I thought coming to terms with a c-section would be after my well thought out birth plan went flying out the window, I'm okay with it now. Seeing the position she is in moved my desires for a natural birth far, far behind getting her into the world as safely as possible. The thought of her getting stuck halfway out is a million times more scary to me than the thought of getting a c-section.

She's already proving to be a pretty unique little girl (no wonder considering who her parents are =P) with this acrobatic gymnast move she is performing in utero. Last night I felt her hanging out on the right side of my belly, which she NEVER does, and I felt her head actually POINTED down, which also NEVER happens. I got a bit excited thinking MAYBE she was going to surprise us and flip over right before my appointment in a few days to check her position again before the c-section. No more than two hours later she was right back where she started, taking in the cardio pulmonary show. What a tease!

So, now I keep trying to flip her and I prepare for a c-section. Basically a variation of my worst nightmare as far as possible birth scenarios go (although an emergency one would definitely be worse). At this point I'm so glad that I chose the doctor I did. I feel confident in not only his ability to perform a c-section on me, but in his respect for my wishes as far as what I want for the birth of my daughter. I made it very clear to him from the beginning that I was not one of those people who thought c-sections were no big deal. It's a last case scenario only if there is no other option deal to me. He assured me that he felt the same way and has proven that with every appointment and conversation we have had. Watching other family members who have him as their OB as well has driven that home even more. If I ever get pregnant again I'll definitely be returning to him, especially since I'll have a history of c-section now unless this little girl turns in the next 3 days!

Still, I am scared. I just have to have some faith that everything will be okay.

Countdown to Nikaia: 3 days until her birthday. <3 We will find out in two days if she's insisting on coming into the world Alien style by ripping through my belly and emerging in some baby ballerina pose, or if she's going to move head down and make us wait for her arrival after all that anticipation. Drama queen.

A month left... commence freak out.

Today I am 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant. Less than a month (26 days to be exact) until my EDD. I am in the homestretch. I am surprisingly calm, or at least I was until a few minutes ago.

I actually got some pretty troubling (for me especially since I am such a worry wart) news yesterday. I went for a 3D ultrasound and the tech discovered that Nikaia is breech. Not a terribly big deal, but still concerning just because by this point she should be head down and locking into place for delivery. She does still have some time to flip... I have heard of babies flipping the DAY they are born... but not ideal that she is breech this late in the game. The tech said that she does have room to move still so we are hoping she will do what nature intends and get her little head down soon.

Now, considering I am a total control freak and I get extremely anxious about things relatively easy, this news should have sent me into immediate panic mode. I have actually been VERY worried about her being breech for a month or so now, and was VERY relieved when my doctor told me at my last appointment that she felt head down. I should have been VERY freaked out by the news that she is breech now right? Apparently not. It bothers me for sure, but for some reason I didn't go into full swing panic mode.

Then I made the mistake of opening a thread on a message board I am on. A girl was asking for prayers for her friend, who just went through an induction to deliver her first child and ended up with an emergency c-section when things didn't progress normally. The part that freaked me out is reading that she bled out during the surgery, had to get a total hysterectomy, and is still unstable and they don't know if she will make it.

I would be devastated if I had to get a hysterectomy. DEVASTATED. In fact, devastated doesn't even feel like it encompasses how horrible it would be for me. My heart is breaking for this woman and I have no idea who she is. Not knowing if she is even going to make it to meet the daughter she just had... now the ONLY one she will ever give birth to? Holy shit...

I don't know if it is pregnancy hormones, or if the realization that if Nikaia stays breech my chances of getting a c-section myself skyrocket... Whatever it is I am sufficiently freaked out now. There were no signs that this woman would have any problems. She appeared perfectly healthy before all of this happened. My pregnancy has been amazing so far. This could happen to me. Any number of things could happen to me. Pregnancy is SCARY! I know all of this logically. I have known it all along, I just haven't really FELT it. Now, kinda feeling it...

I prefer the whole ignorance is bliss thing. Time to crawl back into my hole.

I fail at blogging... and other pregnancy adventures.

I am horrible at this blogging thing, and I have no idea why. I am online every day for my job. I always manage to at least check in on FB and see what is going on with my family and friends. I have actually been a lot better at updating my own FB page lately, but for some reason the blog remains untouched. I really need to get better. I know that I will cherish these blog entries later, I love the entries I have saved from my old blog, I just need to get in the habit again!

Anyway, I am going to try and get better. I am hoping at least once a week.

Right now, the biggest news in my life is that I can feel my growing baby inside of my belly. Not just flutters and swishing movements, but actual kicks. It is completely surreal and absolutely amazing. I have only been feeling these stronger kicks for less than a week, but I have felt some every day since I felt the first ones. This morning when I was awake but not up out of bed yet I could feel the bean moving around really low, so I started poking up a little higher and s/he moved up to poke back. Whenever I would poke, s/he would poke back. I cried it was so awesome. Adam has felt a few kicks from the outside, too, but they are very weak. I can't wait until he can feel stronger movement, too!

Another thing I have started doing it taking belly pics. This is actually a BIG deal for me. I am overweight, have been struggling with my weight for a long time (ever since my parents died), so I really had no idea if I would even look pregnant. I have seen many pregnant women in my life who were overweight and didn't really show at all. They just looked bigger. I was scared to death that would be me. After waiting so long for this I didn't want to miss out on ANYTHING, including having the pregnant belly and looking pregnant to everyone else. Once the belly started to shift I got hopeful, and when it finally rounded out I cracked open the camera case and started taking pics. I'll share a few (I have a feeling now that I will get HUGE before this is all over)...

Just for reference, this is me at 13 weeks, when I first found out I was pregnant. As you can see, I have some chub, but my boobs are still sticking out further than my belly and I just look like an overweight girl.


Here I am at 19w 3d. This is when the belly kind of popped out and for the first time my belly stuck out further than my boobs did.


This is 21w 2d. This is when the belly started to move up because the baby was getting so big in the bottom that all of my guts moved up. LOL!


And here I am at 22w 5d... about a week ago. I think I actually look pregnant here! My belly is very round and the waistline is almost completely gone. It has gotten even bigger since then, too!


So that is the pregnancy update. I will have a lot more to say, and to share, later this week. So far we have had two appointments at the OB where the doctor tried to determine gender for us (17w and 21w) and both times were a spectacular failure. My next appointment with my OB is at 26 weeks (October 20th), but I am extremely impatient. I want to know what this baby is right now! Adam and I have been thinking the bean is a girl all along, but until I see that ultrasound image with proof I can't resign myself to that. I know a lot of women are SO SURE and there is no doubt in their minds, but so much about this pregnancy has been so unreal to me that I can't get there. I also can't wait until October 20th to try again. So, this Wednesday, October 6th, I have an appointment to get a 4D ultrasound. My father-in-law was kind enough to offer to pay for one so that we can find out what we are having! I think he is a bit excited, too. =P

Until then!

It felt like my life was going to change... I never expected it to be in this way!

I have felt a change coming for a while. Not like supernatural vision or anything, just a gut feeling that things were going to change. I had convinced myself that it would be a healthier lifestyle, weight loss, and an overall happier me. I had no idea that what it would actually be.

Yep, that's right. I am pregnant! Had my first appointment yesterday and found out that I have actually been pregnant since May (April if you go by my last cycle) and I had NO IDEA. When you don't have morning sickness and all of the pregnancy symptoms and changes that you do experience are as mild as mine have been, it is very easy to write it off as something else. I didn't even test until I felt kinda crappy one weekend and people kept teasing me about being pregnant and I wanted to prove them wrong.

Turns out I am 13 weeks along. Estimated due date... January 26, 2011. =D They were all right!

A little back story is probably necessary here to understand why I was able to so easily brush away my whole first trimester as the heat getting to me, working too hard, and getting old. Adam and I have been married for over eight years now. When we first got married we decided within the first 6 months or so to expand our little family, and started actively trying to get pregnant. After a year of not even a single pregnancy scare, we made an appointment to get some fertility testing and I went through two rounds of progesterone to see if I ovulate and nothing each time. The doctor did some tests, checked me out, and couldn't figure out what the problem was. Our only options at that point were keep trying and hope, try doing IVF, or adoption. That was back in 2003-2004. Adam was discharged from the military shortly after the fertility testing and we couldn't afford to do IVF or adopt privately, so we decided to just keep trying and hope for the best. It only took another year, maybe two, of not using any birth control to finally give up completely. We talked about what never having kids meant for us, and eventually came to terms with it. We even started to relish the idea of it being just the two of us... travelling, more financial freedom, avoidance of all the icky parts of parenting like sickness and stress. Focusing on the bad parts of what we couldn't have made it easier to be happy with what we did have. Only each other.

So, when I actually DID get pregnant, the thought of pregnancy as an explanation for anything I was going through never even crossed my mind. Not a hint. Not a glimmer. NOTHING. I have always been irregular... summers are HOT here... losing weight has it's side effects... I shouldn't have eaten so late last night... Everything BUT pregnancy. When I did finally get some tests, it wasn't because I thought I was pregnant, it was to prove that I wasn't because at that point about five people had told me that I was and I wanted to shut them up. =P

In fact, the first test I took was broken (no control line) but since it didn't have a positive line I took it as negative anyway and was happy to go on my merry way. I couldn't possibly BE pregnant. I was infertile!

Then when I had not one, but TWO waves of nausea the next day the thought crept back in... Maybe I shouldn't trust that broken test. Maybe I should take the other one. When I got off work, I went right into the bathroom and took the other one and as I sat there and watched the pink plus sign appear almost immediately right before my eyes I could NOT believe it.

I couldn't believe the next four tests either. Or the two I took after that. It wasn't until I went to the doctor yesterday, got a real exam, and saw my baby on an ultrasound that I believed it. It was incredible. I know that for people who already have children, this is probably old hat to them. I could write a long eloquent tear jerking rendition of what I was feeling right then, and how I feel now, and they would think "I know, I have done it already". For the girl who honestly believed that pregnancy and parenthood is something she would never get to experience... that these human, life changing, extraordinary experiences would be something I would be robbed of either by circumstance or genetics... I just can't describe what it feels like to be me right now.

I have always loved this quote about parenthood:

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.  ~Elizabeth Stone

For me, it feels like I finally found my heart, when I didn't even know it had been missing.

Nerdtopia

Here I am deep in nerd central, hanging with the king and prince of all the land. It is uncomfortably hot today. This summer is kicking my ass like no other and it's only mid-June. That's right. I am old.

I have been feeling especially restless lately. I need something, I just haven't quite figured out what yet. Things in my life are both changing quickly and staying the same which is proving to be quite unsettling.

One exciting thing on the horizon is that Adam is looking into going back to school and finishing up his bachelors degree. The timing couldn't be better on paper... He has a stable reliable job where he works from home, I am also bringing in money, and he can finish up school online. It makes sense to finish up now. Once that is done I know it will do wonders for him.

In the meantime I better put my super supportive wife hat back on and prepare to never see him even though he will be home all the time. The ends definitely justify the means.